Wise Asses and Colonoscopies

Colonoscopies are routine procedures these days, and Dr. Oz and Katie Couric even had theirs done for all to see on television.    Generally there’s nothing funny about them, but sometimes guys will be guys.   Humorist Dave Barry once came up with a list of 12 very funny things guys said during colonoscopies.   Though known to be a professional “wise ass,” Barry  says he did not make these  up!     As the Naughty Nutritionist, I clearly believe in laughter as good medicine, unless it’s mid colonoscopy when it could cause your doctor to die of laughter!

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’

6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out . . .’

8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’

10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

And the best one of all:

12. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

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 Dave Barry’s “wise ass” columns can be read at http://www.miamiherald.com/dave_barry/  His latest book is Insane City,a dark and comic “adult novel” that might make you laugh so hard you fall off your chair.    To order, click here:

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